I'm gunna be honest, as much as I hate having to monitor this place after the doxxing, it's been something else watching yall make so many assumptions about me and who I am.
Might be stupid of me to say anything here,but I guess there is a ray of hope I have to hopefully clear some misconceptions.
I've made a lot of apologies for everything I've done, and I've made very many attempts to stay out of drama in general. While I was using people's frustrations as ammo, I shouldnt have been the one doing it, I should have been keeping out of it. I caused damage that likely cannot be reversed, and it's why I've made attempts to accept my blame where I can.
For jobs, I'm pretty limited on what I'm allowed to do. While people may think I'm just autistic and I'm just lazy or whatever, the reality is, the mental issues took such a massive toll that I take a plethora of medications just to exist everyday. Lamotragine, quatiapine, dexflexen, and so much more, totalling 12 night time meds and 9 morning ones. My body is basically always tired, and I have to keep a siezure medication on hand at all times. The limitations given are about high stress and things that disallow down time, while minimizing f ace to face contact. Obviously this limits nearly everything. Jobs I've always looked for are data entry, online chat customer service, or even dog walking. I've done dog sitting during the summer, but that doesn't pay bills too well, just covers food and gas.
Disability was suggested by my therapist and psychiatrist, and it took years to accept it as my future. It took jobs after jobs and forced myself to keep trying, having seizures become more frequent and things failing to improve. I hate going on this, but it's no longer an option. The legal team that took me in said it was a no brainer and I should have done this years ago. Everyone with more qualifications than me basically tell me I should, and so I'm doing it.
No, I didn't kill a lizard. I adopted a lizard with a bone disease and gave her a full year of comfort before waking up one morning and finding her under her rock. The home cremation was something I was wanting to avoid cause thats the last thing I need to do, but I lacked t he funds to get it done. Someone found a vet near me t hat would take her for far cheaper and funded it, and I took her immediately. I cant t hank them enough.
Drawing was something I could more regularly do, but the damages of the past had caught up. It made my hands shake, the movement slower, and my hands unresponsive. Working with my t therapist, we figured out I never really learned proper fine motor control, likely due to being unable to have a normal upbringing. We've worked on rewiring my brain to relearn to use my hands. The best way to think about it, is any time I need to do an action, my brain would do too much between the process of identifying the action and actually doing it.
Example would be catching a ball, you see ball to catch, you catch. My brain was trying to figure things out like it's weight, if it would hurt, if I'm in the right spot, and a bunch of stuff, while the ball hits me in t he face. Working to rewire and just cat ch t he ball has been the goal, and it's working great. Strokes are more confident, and I'm enjoying drawing agsin, but I'm taking things slow to get back into full action.
Finally, the only person I've every blocked is someone named I think doritoscales or something on furaffinity, and it's because every post I've needed to ask for assistance, he'd throw a fit, then I'd invite him to t all to me one on one, and he'd never do it. So eventually I assumed he was just here to be a cunt and never actually wanted to talk.
Sorry about typing errors, my hands still shake and I have a bit of Dyslexia.
I'm going to keep working on myself to get better, regardless of what is said here, but I do have to keep checking every now and again because someone doxxed me and I have to report new weird shit to the officer assigned to me. Thanks to whoever did that, I now have to spend money on a VPN and an identity theft perfection service, which I also have to get help paying for. Unfortunately, a lot of what's been done here doesn't help me or anyone else, but it's the intnernet, and people are free to do whatever. I just ask that if you're going to have valid criticism, I would like to hear it personally because I genuinely would like to take things under advisement. Even randos on the internet can have valuable insight, as long as they are willing to help.
I also don't really care if you call me a guy, troon, or whatever, it doesn't really effect me much. I know who I am and t hats what matters.
To those who hate my guts and those who maybe at least learned a little bit, I hope you have a good night. We all have a pretty harsh world to live in no matter which side of the fence you live on, and I hope whatever brings you here to have so much malice towards others can subside someday so your life can feel a little more free of that.
-Kampfer