LONG POST WARNING 😊
I have been organizing gigs in India for almost 15 years now, and I think the time has come to take a hard look at my journey and possibly call it a day. I am not entirely sure yet, but the weight of it all is starting to feel unbearable. It’s just too much stress with so little in return, and I find myself questioning whether I should continue this at this stage of my life. I need to prioritize my health, to work on becoming fitter, and to truly feel better about who I am. It’s not just about physical well-being but also about finding peace within myself, something I’ve neglected for far too long. I also want to dedicate more energy to what I currently love doing at my work with Wacken, contributing to the global metal scene and helping it grow in meaningful ways. Beyond that, I owe it to myself and my loved ones to give more time to my family, to strengthen the bonds that matter most.
Ill be honest, Germany, in just two years, has given me what India could not offer in 15 years, The encouragement, the love, and the unwavering support. It’s not just about the personal recognition, it’s about being part of a thriving and passionate metal community that truly values and rewards effort. The metal scene in Germany is vibrant, organized, and deeply rooted in its culture. It feels alive in a way that’s hard to put into words there’s a sense of unity and shared purpose among fans, bands, and organizers alike. People here, they live and breathe the music. I guess I was born in the wrong country.
In India, the passion exists but is fragmented, and the hurdles are endless. Here in Germany, it feels like the system works with you rather than against you. There’s a respect for the art form, an understanding of its value, and a willingness to invest in it. It’s a stark contrast to the uphill battle I’ve faced back home, where the love for metal often feels overshadowed by systemic inefficiencies and a lack of widespread support.
With the support I have in Germany, I know I can achieve so much more, not just for myself but for the greatest heavy metal brand in the world and also for the music I love and the global community it represents.
In contrast, the last two times I have come back to India, it has felt like I’m pouring my soul into something only to be met with frustration and disappointment. I arrived today 22.01.2025 and instead of feeling excited, I feel defeated. I spend 20 out of 30 days of my precious vacation here, working tirelessly, only to face endless roadblocks. The red tape, the bureaucracy, the inefficiency of it all. No matter how hard I work, it feels like the system is set up to break your spirit. I’ve given it my all, but I just don’t have the strength to keep doing this. It’s taking a toll on my mental health, and I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I don’t need this weight in my life anymore. The 18-year-old in me is dying.
Bangalore Open Air has always been a labor of love, but the love feels one-sided. The scene here, if you can even call it that, just doesn’t justify the effort. Three thousand fans is not a scene, it’s a niche, a fragment of what heavy metal could truly be. And while this year’s turnout has been promising so far, it doesn’t erase the exhaustion or the underlying issues. I hate to say this, India is not a market for heavy metal music, and trying to nurture something that the environment itself doesn’t support is soul-crushing. The amount of guest list requests I get is unbelievable. Everybody wants to enjoy it for fuckin free!
The sheer amount of red tape required to get even basic permissions is overwhelming, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There’s so much more that weighs on me, and it has been building up in my heart for a long time. Putting this out there feels like a release, like a burden slightly lifted.
I’m going to take these next two weeks to reflect deeply on the future of the festival and whether it’s time to step away. If I have to call it a day, I will. But even if I do, this doesn’t mean I will stop supporting or helping local Indian bands in any way I can. That passion remains, but I no longer know if I have it in me to shoulder the festival alone. With a great partner like Saurabh Zutshi, I may still find a way to be a part of it, but the idea of doing this entirely by myself and the two of us along with some great friends has started feeling impossible now.
The fact that I had two dreams has always driven me forward. One was to live and work in Wacken, to be a part of the legendary festival that shaped my love for metal. The other was to build a festival in India that could bring our community together, to create something that would ignite the same passion for metal in others that Wacken sparked in me. The first dream came true, living and working for Wacken has been everything I hoped for and more. It’s a dream realized, a place where my work feels valued and the passion for metal is celebrated in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
But the second dream? That’s where the weight lies. I feel like I’ve failed to pull it off the way I envisioned. Bangalore Open Air was supposed to be my contribution to India’s metal scene, my way of giving back to the music that has given me so much. And while it’s had its moments of triumph, I can’t help but feel like I’ve fallen short of what I wanted it to be. The challenges have been relentless, and despite all my efforts, the environment here has made it feel almost impossible to truly thrive.
It’s a heavy feeling to carry, knowing that one dream flourished while the other struggled to even stand. But maybe dreams change over time, or maybe the way they’re realized evolves. I don’t know what the future holds for Bangalore Open Air, but I do know this: my passion for metal remains, and my commitment to the music and the community is unshaken.
I don’t know if this will be my last Bangalore Open Air, but I just don’t want to do it anymore. There is no reward here, not in the way that truly matters, and it’s breaking my heart. I’ve fought for this for 15 fuckin years, but now I think it’s time to fight for myself, my health, my family, and to fully embrace the opportunities and responsibilities I have in Germany, doing what I truly love.
I hope to see everyone at Bangalore Open Air, celebrating the spirit of metal, because, at the end of the day, that’s what truly matters.